Deep Dive ADHD Stop 2: Mindful Self-Compassion
Does anyone else have a REALLY LOUD negative internal voice? Just me? Oh, never mind, that was a stupid question, so stupid! Ugh, Danica, why do you say such stupid things all the time? You can’t do anything right. And now you’re oversharing! Ack!
Ouch, cringey right? Maybe hard to read? Maybe a little too familiar? Would you ever talk to a friend like that? Of course not. But somehow, years of “why can’t you just…” and “if you’d only try harder!” results in some really loud negative self-talk later in life.
We are really good at being REALLY hard on ourselves.
Let me ask a different question. How does it feel when someone; a boss, a partner, a roommate, yells at you for something you’ve done, even if you didn’t mean to or it was unintentional? Does it inspire you to change?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t respond very well to criticism or being blamed for things. I either want to dig in my heels and tell them to leave me the f* alone and continue right on doing the same thing or beat myself up for messing up.
What if someone instead compassionately notices, “Hey, it’s no big deal, it seems like something didn’t work so well, what would you like to try instead?” When I hear that, my shoulders relax, and I become more open to learning from the situation and trying something new.
This same dynamic plays out within ourselves. Personal growth comes from a place of self-compassion rather than being hard on ourselves. When we are yelling at ourselves all the time, we dig in our heels and resist change, even when it might be in our best interest! But with compassion for ourselves, change becomes possible, even inevitable!
Let me say that again. With compassion for ourselves, change becomes possible, even inevitable!
That’s why Stop 2 of Deep Dive ADHD is strengthening our self-compassion. 💪 Building the muscle so that it is strong enough to hear that negative voice, step out of it and change the narrative to something kinder: “Oh my dear, you’re having a really hard time right now, but I’ve got ya”.
It takes time, it takes practice, but it is possible.
Join me this summer for a free book club/mindful self-compassion group. Every Tuesday we’ll do a short meditation together and discuss a chapter of Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristen Neff and Chris Germer.
So grab a copy of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and hit reply to let me know you’re interested. Why not invite a friend while you’re at it 🙂
Mindful Self Compassion Workbook Book Club
June 17 - August 26 (skipping July 8 and 15 for travel)
Tuesdays 10AM Pacific
What I’m reading/watching/listening to:
1. This is a long, but hope filled article, about late diagnosis of ADHD from Psychology Today.
“Bal encourages patients to focus less on what could have been and more “on how they want this diagnosis and knowledge of themselves to affect their future.” When that feels easier said than done, it may be useful to channel those negative emotions into compassion—both toward oneself and toward those who missed the signs—and perhaps even look for a bright side of a late diagnosis.
2. Disordered eating is a common co-occurring condition with ADHD. This article caught my attention regarding the power of self-compassion in so many areas of our lives. (I have no affiliation with the “Lose It” app.)
If you’re nerdy like me, you don’t take the word of a random article put out there by some app’s spam newsletter. You click on the original research article. (And only read the introduction. I’m not an academic after all!)
3. Megan Anna Neff (no relation to Kristin Neff) is as AuDHD psychologist and creator of the website Neurodivergent Insights and Neurodivergent Notes over on Substack. Her current Substack Post on Neurodivergent Mental Health and Wellbeing is worth a read. I can’t link it here or it will make you sign up but if you’re on Substack, it’s worth a read. You know what to do.
